Fair.Tales.Land

Let me free.

2010-12-31T00:36:00.005+08:00

In between my brain and my mouth there's a really huge boulder that stands in its way. Because my mouth rarely says what my brain actually want to say. Its freaking ridiculous.

It's like when someone ask me. 'are you mad at me?' my brain would be filled with all these thoughts like how exactly I feel and why I feel that way. But my mouth would eventually said 'NO, I'm fine' or sometimes at its laziest day it would resort to 'I don't know' or even worse the mouth will turn its MUTE mode on and the answer would be silence..

The mouth tend to filter every thought that the brain produced, just because it was too scared. The brain usually parties but the mouth hides it.

I just wish there is something out there that can translate my brain.

Because sometimes when my mouth try hard enough, it will came out with a few sentences but it would be nothing like what my brain just thought and the situation will be all screwed up.

Because of the fear, the mouth also lose the ability to ask. The brain will have too many questions unanswered and it will make stupid assumptions until the brain goes cuckoo.

I don't know. I usually end up discontented. Feeling like I held so many things in my head that it could explode anytime. I'll end up hating everyone around me including myself.

So tired.

One day in orthopedics.

2010-11-30T18:41:00.007+08:00

Let's go through a case shall we? Why?! I don't know I just despise orthopedics somehow. But it's so influential.

So, my patient was a 6 year-old Malay boy came for an elective surgical operation of his right leg. At the age of 18 months his mother noticed that he limped every time he walked. She also notice that his right leg is longer and bigger than the left. But he still can walk and run. The right leg keeps getting bigger and longer. The inequalities became more obvious as he grow up. But no loss of function still. When they went to see a doctor he was diagnosed to have left leg hypertrophy. He was suggested for surgery.

The hypertrophy was secondary to neurofibromatosis, type 1. He has multiple cafe-au-lait around his body. On further history his mother also has neurofibromatosis because she has multiple fibromas around her body (NF is autosomal dominant). He has a pelxiform type of neurofibroma.

This is how it looks like.
See. It is longer and bigger.
Apparent length difference : 5 cm
True length difference : 3.5 cm
The discrepancy was only below knee.
Femur not affected.

There were some discolorations at the posterior part.
I'm not sure if this is cafe-au-lait.
But I didn't take any pictures of other cafe-au-lait at his abdomen.

The x-ray of both lower leg.
The right tibia was also bigger and longer.

This was during the surgery.
The surgeon inserted two 8-plate at the right proximal tibia to arrest the bone growth.
An epiphysiodesis.
For right tibia shortening because discrepancy more than 3 cm.

This was after the plate insertion was done.
See, the plate was put from epiphysis to metaphysis.
We must avoid physis injury because he's a growing child.
The plates are temporary.

Anyway, I presented the case to Mr. Shuk afterward but I was so bad that I don't desrerve his signature. Oh yeah.

Seeing is believing?

2010-11-01T04:37:00.004+08:00

People are so naive aren't they. That includes me. It's even disturbing sometimes how superficial human can be. So easy to manipulate, so easy to be manipulated.

What you see is not always the truth. We assume, that's the easy way. Well that's the only way. No one can read minds. That's why people always say things like 'She looks like a nice person'. Huh.

They say the eyes can only see what the mind can see. Something like that. We only believe things that are in front of us. If I hide a fact about myself, others might even think that it doesn't even exist. It's so easy. For all you know I can even have an entirely different life out there.

I guess that is why people keep secrets. Not telling is almost as equal as non existent. People do all sorts of weird stuff in this world and they kept it a secret and the world will also think that there are no such things. Everybody wins.

But a well kept secret is better than a partial truth. People are scared of things they don't understand. Fear of the unknown. However that's an entirely different thing.

The choice is yours.

2010-09-26T23:13:00.003+08:00

Life is full of choices. Most of the times life sucks because of our own decision. From what I know there's two ways to live a life.

The easy way or The right way.

But both will give you the same result.

Someone might think it would be wise to the live life the easy way. Most of the time I will opt for the easy way, easy means fast. But easy can also mean wrong. Most of the time the easy way is the one lazy people chose. Easy example would be like cutting a long queue. Its easy, fast and you'll get just what you want. But you'll get other people angry too and just imagine if everyone did the same thing. It'll be chaotic and rules exist for a reason.

The right way usually chose only by the righteous. I usually chose this when it won't cost me too much trouble or I'm simply in a good mood. The good way will also get you to the things you want, maybe a littler slower but it'll clear your conscience and everyone will be happy.

I always thought that the easy way would be like using the expressway, its fast but you'll have to pay but the right way will be like using the daily driveway slow but you'll get there eventually.

It the end, the choice is always yours but it's just that the end doesn't justify the means. Its pretty boring. I don't know just something to ponder.

Benjamin Button in reverse.

2010-08-23T20:42:00.003+08:00

Last few weeks I went to an old folks home. I had the chance to talk to some of them and they were all very cheerful. Most of them are in their 70's. Playing my role, I took some pictures and immediately showed it to them and to my surprise they were very excited and their reactions was just like the reaction of my three year old cousin.

It reminds me, someone once said. Old age is the second childhood.

This fact has been stuck in my head since then and I still haven't been proven wrong. The more I think about it, the more alike they become.

When incontinence comes, we start wearing diapers.
Wheelchair is the golden age version of walker and stroller.
When we can't swallow, we back to drink milk maybe not from a bottle but feeding tube.
And need to be fed every few hours.
We need 24-hours surveillance, because we can't just take care of ourselves.
Some even back to sleep in a cot, maybe not as colorful as before but still serves the purpose.
We lost our articulation.
People don't take you seriously anymore.
Little things amuse you.
People are easily amaze when you accomplish something. Because we are back to the (re)learning phase, but not as smart.

The only difference is that babies are cuter.

Have any?

2010-08-03T22:32:00.007+08:00

What drives you to get up in the morning? You know apart from Subuh prayer and daily responsibilities. Have you found your purpose of life? People have been telling me to work like you'll live another thousand years and pray like you'll die tomorrow. I know our 'ultimate' purpose of life. For all I know I could die in the next hour. But, I think haven't find my own purpose of life. You know most of the days I just live, because there's not much left to do anyway.

Most people might say they live for their loved ones. For their spouses and children but rarely people live for their parents. Anyway, I was at the clinic today and I never met a guy who was so happy to know that his two-month-old child has just gained 900 grams body weight in a month. Some might say they live for their dreams, passion and all. I don't know, I always heard all this from movies and dramas from around the world. Few of us really live for God. Most of us want to, but a very few people will.

But I think a whole lot of us didn't have any purpose at all. They just follow what comes in front of them and keep on living. Don't you think?

or maybe it's just me.

I also think it's a good thing to have dreams. I don't know. I just realize it actually. However, by just dreaming doesn't mean we'll get it but it is so much better than not to dream at all.

Oh well. Having all these purposes and goals and dreams is just to keep ourselves occupied with life. No matter how high or how low our life have been, its gonna end anyway. Soon. And we can't never do anything about it. fuh.

Money Honey

2010-06-26T00:43:00.002+08:00

Take a piece of paper and print a face of an old guy on it - there you go, you got the most powerful piece of paper in the world, or also known as money.

First, everyone needs it. Like really need it. I mean, our whole life is pretty much about money anyway. See, when we grow up we need to go to school, collect as much as A's that you can and go to the university take the toughest course and maintain your grade there too. So that we can get a job that pay a lot money, then work for half of your life just to buy food, save for the old days. and if we live long enough we can retire and spend it for medical expenses or if not maybe die while working.

I love money and who doesn't? You know some people say money is not important, it can't buy certain things you know like love. I know that. But then with money, there is one less problem to be worried with. Both rich and poor has problems right? So it's better be rich and has problems.

About love, I don't know, there are lot of rich people experience love too and not all poor people are happily in love. So, it is just a matter of luck. Oh and my mummy always has this theory, rich people are mostly good looking. You know why, because when the guy is rich he can get beautiful girls and so their offspring would turned out kinda pretty too.

The thing about money is that it is evil. People do all sorts of thing for money. Apart from everyone needs it, everyone also wants it. And it will never be enough. But the truth is money always made its way through worse because if not how can a rubber tapper supports a family of seven with income of rm500 per month. Of course the rubber tapper would say it's not enough but students who get more than rm5000 scholarship every six months also said their money is not enough. :D

p/s - In a very paranoid mood, I'm going crazy. -.-" Oh, I passed my exams!!
- pic - duit rm50 yg penuh dgn sellotape, utk jadi bentuk love. :)

Bitter

2010-06-19T20:31:00.008+08:00

Last week was revision week. It was depressing and lonely. There's nothing much to do rather than study. Except that everything else feels much more compelling than study. So I kinda stare at my laptop most of the times. There was one time the electricity was out and I got really freaked out, luckily we were going to the ward so when we got back everything was fine.

I don't talk. The two people I wanted to talk to were kinda busy with their own life.

So.I fed my restaurant city's employees every 4-6 hrs, which is more than I fed myself, the food here sucks.

I watched tonnes of youtube videos. I love the wongfu productions - they are awesome. Community Channel - She's hillarouos. There's this Gavin Hoey guy, is pretty awesome too, he teaches about photoshop and photography, very basic things but I kinda like him.

The website the oatmeal, is kinda fun too. It suppose to be funny and annoying and rude at the same time. But I enjoyed it. I love his post about the angler fish. haha. Awesome.

I logged in to deviantart everyday. Post at forums and admiring other peoples arts and obsessing about my pageviews everyday.

I read one piece until chapter 60 but then I got bored, because the page load was so slow.

I watched Grey's anatomy for how many millions times. I don't know.

My relationship turns one and a half year last week. That's pretty cool.

I went to watch K.A.P.O.W.W Atoi the Ajaib Boy! Yeah. People don't believe me.

I listened to the same playlist over and over again. So I got bored easily, I ended up downloading few songs everyday. Ingrid Michealson's new songs are kinda awesome. David Choi music's melts my heart.

Now, it over. Holidays begin~! I don't know about my exams. I won't be surprise if I failed, because it's Internal Medicine. Plus I still get to go to fourth year next week.

**pic-first wedding photography,tag along musran

Everybody, eventually

2010-06-08T23:19:00.003+08:00

If you were given a choice, how long would you want to live? A split second answer might be forever. But if you think closely you might don't want it.

Everyone is afraid of death. People use all of their might to keep on living, even though their life might be as suck as hell. Maybe not literally. But why are we afraid of it. In my religious belief I have solid reasons why to be afraid. But others, I don't know. Because some of them believe that when we die we will all go straight to heaven, if that's the case why got scared? Well, I think because we don't what will happen after we die and you have to go through it alone. Nobody has live through it and tell the stories to others.

Being immortal sounds fun. Just because you won't die. But then in all of the fictions they all can't die but also remain young. You know like all those pretty vampires. Maybe that's okay. Still, you'll get pretty lonely and maybe a little bored. But if we are immortal and turn old, I don't think anyone would want that. Could you imagine how ugly you'll look if you are 1000 years old, I'll be like come on kill me already.

So, if you got the chance to choose the age you'll die, what will it be?

At the age of 40 they said life has just begun. 50, hmm, maybe you thought you haven't live enough. At 60 usually when all the diseases starts coming in. Well, maybe 60. Because at 70 you'll be kinda too old to do much. I wouldn't want to live until I'm all sick and bedridden, poop on diapers and all. Because that's pretty much not a life anymore.

But the scariest thing about death is that it come unannounced. It could be anytime, anywhere and anyone. You know, even the most powerful leader in the world who are being protected 24/7 can simply die of choking a fish bone, for example. Not so powerful after all isn't it?

They say it's blind

2010-05-06T16:00:00.005+08:00

I've been watching a lot of Ellen Degeneres lately, I know she has been married to a girl. Portia De Rossi to be exact but I've never seen they together before until now. You know, when I finally see them together I thought they look really in love and sweet. I mean is it really possible? for you to love someone of the same gender as you.

Would you call it love? You know, as they define it like those classical love of a boy and a girl we grow up watch.

I'm not against it or anything, but I just can stand to accept it. I mean for the Americans. But the thing is, what an American does, the world follows. That's bothersome, especially all those stupid Malaysian kids who would do anything they saw on TV.

I've tried to be okay with it but then too much things come into my mind. It's like two same poles of magnets put together.

Later on, I found out that Adam Lambert is gay too. (I know,kinda late) That disappointing. Even Barney from how I met your mother is gay. uh.

If everyone is gay, especially those talented and good looking ones, who's going to produce the next generation of gay. I know they like to adopt children from a heterosexual couple or a surrogate mother or a girl who got knocked up and sane enough not to throw it away in the dumpsters like a baby is a complementary gift of bad relationship.

I don't know maybe that's why they say love is blind.

6,814,400,000 minus 1

2010-04-13T14:48:00.006+08:00

I most certainly think that my life is so important. Sometimes, even stepping on a cat poop can be a big deal to me. But so does everyone else. You know there's like 6.8 billion people in this world and I bet each of them thought so too.

And it's kinda ridiculous to say one life is superior than others. Its equally important. 6,814,400,000 people minus 1. Does it matter? What if it is you?

So, yeah. If one day my house got bombed and I lost a limb or a millionaire goes bankrupt or a pauper became a millionaire overnight. Each of them must think that its like the most important think that can ever happen to them. But to others it could be just another headlines they read as they pass a newsstand.

I just want to say that, life goes on. No matter how bad it gets(or good). There's nothing like a pause or a fast forward button that could help you get through it. It's not gonna undo itself no matter how hard you wish. Other people wouldn't care as much either, because it's not their life.

Anyway, there it is. I was really dreading to start a new posting and thought of these. :D

Ramming up!

2010-04-07T20:59:00.008+08:00

Lets join me to the experience of upgrading my laptop's memory. It was scary as hell, so I kept stalling but actually it took only about 15mins tops to install it. Here's the pictures. Looks like I got nothing else better to do.(apart from having to finish the yearbook. uhhh)

stuffs you need

Yummy. 4gb. One of the awesome birthday presents this year.
Next, I need to get an antivirus and a new hard disk!

The grass is always greener on the other side.

2010-03-09T15:37:00.003+08:00

What we have is always never good enough. There's always something else better than it. I mean always.

It always looked good and better when we don't have it. Well. Have you like dream to really want something? You know like an awesome gadgets, the coolest guy in school or a promotion in your career. The thing that we want always has this cool characteristics like very good looking, or 8 megapixels. We start to build our own imagination, about how good will it feels to actually have it.

And then, if someday we do actually got it. It doesn't feels as great as we'd imagine it, well maybe at first, but then other things would show up and we would want that too. The cycle will just starts over again.

Like I said. Never good enough. Or like some would say, "there's always a hotter girl"

I know we are thought to be grateful of what we have because some people might never had the chance. But then we just can't help it.

However, to have these dreams or desires actually make us move forward. You know it creates this passion to get something better, to be better. People will make new things, something more awesome. Next thing you know, there's 10 megapixels.

Well, if not. The world won't change, we'll still wear animal skins as clothes, people don't shave and communicates through smokes or pigeons.

**pic-total randomness. my brother with my little cousin who follows him like a shadow

A little confuse

2010-02-27T21:59:00.006+08:00

I'm turning 22 soon. Still halfway through medical school. Live a routine life. Pretty ordinary. All laid out. Its just getting pretty boring.

I wanted to do something out of myself. Something big and important. Make a history or make a difference to the world. Well not really. Just something different than now. Make myself useful. You know, rather than just go to school, eat, weep over sappy movies and then sleep.

If only I could just quit everything right now and go somewhere else. Start from scratch and be someone. Well. That kind of life only works in movies. It's not that simple.

Just sometimes. How I really wish to be a I don't know a famous actress or a successful athlete or conquer the Everest or be the first Angsawanita (haha, there's no such thing) and travel to the moon. What I mean is I want to do something I really love and be really awesome at it.

Not that I'm not grateful with my life right now, but I just not living it to the fullest.

However. Come to think of I still can change the world with my life right now. I mean, it is just really up to me.

I want to write a book. Produce a movie. Be in a band. Create a video game. I want to be aggressive and impulsive. Be a voice of a cartoon character. Join a cosplay. Dance my heart out. Be a painter. Alright I'd better stop. xx

Crumbs of worthless.

2010-02-17T17:59:00.004+08:00

I'm awfully bored today and I just want to write something. So just let's talk about me~ wahaha.

First thing people say about me is I don't look my age and their guess would be much much younger than I actually am. Which I'm grateful and sometimes not. The good thing is I look young but because of that people are skeptical of me. I always need to show my license during a roadblock and patients frequently ask my age.

I don't like to socialize unnecessarily. Only do when I really need to. But I still love human company though.

My whole life I've always been average never the best. Always kinda good but not good enough. Be it sports, studies or looks.

I'm great in masking my feelings. I just don't like people to bother. But the thing is I just don't know how to express it.

I'm highly dependent to my laptop. Would literally die of boredom without it. I love computers. I love internet. I think that we could learn everything from the internet and they are zillions of talented people we can find out there.

Really wish for a powerful laptop and super-fast internet.

I love photoshop too. But still can't really be awesome with it. Would love to learn about all those adobe softwares and others.

I love my D60 but I'm not sure about photography because it pisses me of most of the time. Still can't get a hold of it and it costs too much.

My spelling sucks. Thank goodness for those red underline that appeared every time I spelled wrong. If only they can correct grammar too.

I used to hate pink very much. But now I really don't know anymore.

I grew up with video games, books and a lot of TVs. My dad raised me halfway like a boy. He thought me all about football, brought me to his rugby practices, introduce me the computers since the age of four and bought me lots of books. But that was all when he was once.

I skipped schools, shoplifts and get into fights but that was like years ago.

Lazy is my second nature, procrastination is my hobby.

I always thought most people are lame because I thought I'm cool. haha. No I just really hate pretentious people. Which almost everyone is, including me.

I love sneakers but I love heels too. That is bothersome because there's too much to want. But my brother would really brings out my shopping desires.

Currently had an massive infatuation over Jang Geun Suk :D but I love my buney dearly.

Too much unnecessary information. Really manage to kill the time. Oh2. Harini dapat 'mangkuk' dari Mr. Jun. haha.

When he's from venus and I'm from mars

2010-02-09T02:48:00.002+08:00

Or in other word he is more of a girl than I am. I'm not saying this blindly but you'll see why.

1. He has more girl best friends than I do. Not comparing to the number of guy best friends that I have (which is none, haha, anti social) but compared to the number of my girl best friends. Yeah. Seriously. It's like part of a deal or something.

2. He spends more time looking at the mirror than I am. Especially with his new hair.

3. He shops a lot. Will always find a reason to buy things. Be it some kind of clothing, camera, sports or computer stuffs. The first thing that he spots at a mall is the SALE sign. But good thing about it he always got a good buy. At a very good price. But when he had an eye for one thing, he won't stop talking about it until he gets it.

4. He cares and he thinks. Which are the things that I don't really like to bother. He thinks too much sometimes it makes him really miserable.

5. He is always the one who do the talking, always initiates 'the talk' while I ran away from it.

6. He's deep and complicated and I'm superficial.

7. He notice little things about people while I'm like Oh really?

8. He's like very articulate and neat, but I'm a little all over the place. uh.

9. He's the drama queen. Haha. No he is just more sensitive. He does things that are out of your minds when he is emotional while I usually just sit and act like nothing happen

hmm. could have done better.

But then, he's a guy alright, he forgets and can be as ignorant as any other guys too. and yeah, I sounded kinda lousy.

Oh well. I guess maybe when everyone came to earth they just.. evolved. :D

White coat strollers

2010-01-29T19:44:00.007+08:00

Medicine is awesome. That's what I think. I mean all the stuff that we have been studying during the pre-clinical years actually do come true. They do, just like in the textbook. So, we will be kinda get excited with stuff that others think is nothing or completely ridiculous. Talk medical jargon as daily basis. Joke about something only few people will understand and finds it funny.

When we are in the ward all we need to do is clerking and sometimes physical examinations. Its fun actually, it's like a guessing game. Try to diagnose a disease by asking just the right questions. However, we are dealing with people, to do that I think we need an air of superiority around us. Just a little, not until its demeaning. Just enough so people will actually response and obey you because they are sick so sometime they are not in the mood to talk. Which I find most of the final years students have and some of the third year students. But I don't or maybe yet to discover.

You know, to us. Even poking a finger into someone's anus can be intriguing.

In medical world, you put everything into short forms. New posting, new short forms. Say, now I'm in surgical posting, I learned - ESWL, IVU, IO, SIRS, CVP, CBD, SPC and so much more. Even the most ridiculous meaning like E/A - electively admitted or TTO kot - to transfer out. Some short forms might means different to a layman, for example to my sister GBS is geng bas sekolah but to us its Gullian-Barre syndrome. PR can means public relation but it also means per rectal.

Being called stupid is like a routine.

Being young and brilliant is basically nothing. But the older you are the cooler. Because medicine is measured by experience and skills. The longer you practice means that you've seen more. Because sometimes two patients with the same disease can come with a whole different presentation. Or sometimes in different severity.

What's common is common. It's true I guess. That's why patient with a rare disease can be a celebrity among us. :D

okachan

2010-01-13T22:00:00.003+08:00

This is my mummy. Or I called her ibu. I tell u, she's a lady. She can cook well, sew and knit amazingly, a thoughtful hostess and very well mannered. Well, that actually compared to me. I don't know what happen, but all those genes seem to just skipped me. Uhh. I'm nothing like her. Physically there might be some resemblances but not more than that I think.

But apart from that she's also very strong. Given the things she has gone through. I know she really love and care about us. Very protective. She spoils us but not materialistically. I admit. I'm very dependent to her. You know, in doing adult stuff, like going to the bank, phone bills, renewing license and all.

I must tell you, she was an excellent athlete. Up to the state level. Lumba Lari. huu. Had tons of medals and trophies. But, up until now, she seems to be good in every sports she involved. Now, at office level bowling. And already had lines of trophies.

Letting her down is my biggest fear. I tried to live my life up to her wishes though sometimes I disappoint her. But most of the times if I were to do something she wouldn't approve I'll usually don't tell her or simply lied. Uh. If only she knew. When I believe what you don't know won't hurt you. I know. That's wrong.

Recently, I did disappoint her. Even made her cried. I would blame the circumstances. And of course myself. But. At that everything didn't turned out well. And she said one time when she really needs me, I let her down. I didn't mean to, but the situation looks like I did. But we are fine after that. Hopefully.

My little sister is her little obsession, but then when she went to boarding school my mum seems to lost her way.

She's the best. Always have my best wishes for her. And I might not say this out loud to her. But, I love her. :)

Shiny

2010-01-06T19:49:00.003+08:00

New isn't always great
Old isn't always wise
But all we can do is keep moving foward
So, yeah. Happy New Year~

The swans say hi~
Pic by nawfal. Dipakse suh mention nih.

Setahun Jagung

2009-12-21T21:41:00.002+08:00

Hati. Perasaan. dan Harapan.
Pretty and Ugly truth.
Sweet but sometimes bitter
It's been one year. A pretty one.
and hopefully more to come.
I don't know.
My faith fluctuates sometimes.
Though most of the time I can't be more confident about it.
What the hell
But yeay~ :D

Jiwa dan Perasaan.

2009-12-17T14:28:00.003+08:00

Feelings don't lie. Yes you can hide it, mask it all you want but in the end the feelings is still there. You can't be happy just because you want to be happy. The feelings is still there even if you don't want it to be there. Say, you really don't want to be angry to someone but then if that person did the exact thing that make you really angry. Oh dear, that just can't be helped.

Even a teeny tiny bit of feelings. It's there. I find it really disturbing. wahh~

Memang xboleh tipu. It's just up to you to accept it or deny it. :D

Sementara menunggu turn bedside teaching with Dr. Fadzil~

Young before old

2009-12-14T00:22:00.003+08:00

not him ok
I know a man. An old man actually. When I was little, he was rich, has multiple wive plus had some affairs too. I know because I heard about it even saw it once. Didn't know what I saw then but now I do. Uh. Living the life he won't be so proud of now. Anyway. At that time he was on top of the world, rich and handsome. Had beautiful children who acted just like him, well not all of them.

But then things started to turn around. Bussiness collapse and when you're poor girls left you. Luckily one stay, as usual the first wife. I guess. Live up with his pension. Whiled he stayed home. He eventually changed. He became this guy who wears white robe, went to the mosque for every prayers. One that impress me is that he even wrote a book. About behavioural problems, how to live life the way prophet Muhammad SAW did. How to do it in our time. Ironic. Anyway. It doesn't matter who he is, what matter is what he wrote.

So, it got me thinking. Can we live our life recklessly when we are young, then when we are old just repent. Just repent and everything will be fine. It's not fair. Well, in this case I think he's just lucky. He got to live up to this age and realized what a jerk he was.

I think because when we are old. We have gone through all the big milestones of life that most young people look foward to. You know, like finishing studies, have a career, getting married, have children and granchildren or even contract a disease. Then, what's left is the end of your life. Maybe at that time only we'll think. All that is left to do is surrendering ourselves to God.

That we should have done as early as we can. Which I know very hard and I wish to be as lucky as him.

p/s: uh. sorry bad photoshop.

Pretty Ugly

2009-11-08T20:25:00.005+08:00

I love good looking people. You name it pretty, beautiful, handsome or dashing I just love them all. In fact. Everyone does. I mean they are just so nice to look at and everyone would like to be one. They even get special treatment from others. I've seen it a lot. I do that too sometimes. Even in the ward cute babies get more attention than the others.

Some people can even use looks to earn money. That's just so nice.

However. When we are in the sea of strangers and we are lost. Or when we are performing on a stage in front of a big crowd. Or when we are in a deepest trouble. Or when we are so sad. We don't look for the prettiest people in town or the best looking guy in school. We'll look for the familiar face. Faces of someone who is close and important to you. We won't care if they are ugly or pretty. Even a Miss Universe can't beat that.

Well, unless the miss universe is someone important to you la kan. :D

Double Dose

2009-11-05T11:01:00.002+08:00

Don't you think its selfish to call yourself unselfish? Come to think of it, everyone is selfish. Things that we do for others usually in a way also has a benefit to ourselves too. No matter how noble it seems there's always something behind it that has some personal profit on us. Like rich people gave donation, as a result they will get recognition for being generous. A guy helped an elderly to cross a road, he'll get self-satisfaction. It's a good thing but you know the guy won't help the elderly in the first place if he's gonna hate himself afterwards. Sometimes we just do good things just to please others so that we won't look bad or sometimes we just do good things so that in the future people will do the same to you too. Don't you think? Ish. I just hate that when people claim how unselfish they were, how they've done this and that sincerely just to help others. Then why would you tell others about it, just so that people will adore you? aih. You can tell it all you want to others but just don't call yourself unselfish.

Enough about that.

Anyway, how do you expect people to listen to you if you don't listen to others? People talked a lot. I mean a lot. And they expect others to listen. Listen and understand and share the same emotions as what they are having. But then when others talked they're are just like, 'Oh really?' and that's all. Unless it's some controversial issues or some stupid jokes. I know it's tiring, especially listening to others problems but can't you just listen. Don't do other stuff or changed the topic and don't undermine or ridicule what they had said. It hurts when people just said "ala, xde pape tuh" or just laughed it away. It's hard for some people to confide and it usually something very important for them. Just listen and try to understand even though if its really hard to accept.

Well, its not entirely true but you know it happens.

**the pic - me brother with his crazy friends. huu. xbes skolah pn lagi dorg mih. saje buang mase edit. anyway i just love the outcome. plus got nothing to do with this post pn**

Crying shame

2009-10-24T12:09:00.004+08:00

Everyone has been in a fight before. Indeed everyone fights. children. adults. siblings. parents. couples. friends. politicians. People fight for many reasons but the thing with fight is both party will think that they are one who are right.

Siblings rivalry is common. But they don't usually last long especially when you are still young. But the urge to fight usually can't be helped and most of the time for ridiculous reasons, like why his piece of cake is bigger or I'm just better in everything.

Boys fight with violence. Well they are suppose to. Its just who they are.

Schoolgirls fight with words, lots and lots of words and maybe sometimes with some hair pulling episodes.

Couples fight for emotions. Complicated emotions.

Parents usually fight between responsibilities and personal needs.

Fight in friendships usually destructive. I don't know, in my experience. They don't usually turned out to be the same again. It feels awkward to act like before.

Politicians? they throw chairs. Huu. Well they fight behind the name of professionalism.

But fights don't usually solve anything. Fights will only feed your anger. Confrontation maybe. In a right way la. Ah. Gle malas nak berfikir dan menaip. But it sure is a shame when a bunch of full grown guys acted like schoolgirls. Talking and blaming behind people back. Well, grow some balls lah while you are at it. wahaha. selamat tinggal~ ugh.

Roarrr!

2009-10-01T22:00:00.004+08:00

This is a pointless post. I just had the urge to write so I have to.

Oh dear clinical years. How many types of people you can meet. It made me question myself why do I do medicine. I don't even like people. I don't know the art of sucking up either. But these people they sure are interesting. How I long for those preclincal years.

Alright. Here's how I see things in the hospital. I always think it as a jungle. A very thick jungle. You sometimes can even see a food chain. Of course we medical students are the lowest in it. The most naive and vulnerable. This food chain I would say is dominated by Lions. Kings of the jungle who are the oldest lion that would be the Consultant and Speacialist. The most wise. Next would be the young adult lions and teenage lions. Well those are the Medical Officers and the House Officers. These busy bees do all the hardwork but the older they are the more they tend to forget how they used to be young. Then come us, the Cubs. The most eager. Who always crave for attention. Oh dear. These lions there sure are wise but they are also fierce, arrogant and they really like to roar. However they will always look dashing when they are perfoming surgeries, procedures and all while others wacthing in awe. There is maybe a handful of supernice Lions in the jungle but we must not forget the evil ones too. They are just unpredictable and unreasonably demeaning. huh.

Next, come the Deers. They usually provide for the Lions. That would be the nurses and other health staffs. They are very fast and efficient. They even sometimes don't really like the cubs because they know what will we grow up into.

Then come the plants. They are green and almost unappreciated. We sometimes forget how important they are. They clean all the mess those Lions and Deers had done. What will happen to the jungle without those plants. Well meet the Radicare people.

However I'm having trouble classifying the patients. Well. Maybe we can considered them as other species of animals because they are all sorts of people that came with all sorts of problems to seek advise from the Lions.

Whoa. That's a long crappy thing I just wrote. Huu. Kate obses. Bangun n tidur pun ingat logbook. :D

Here is one of the kings in action. heh. Cool eh?

Hello World

2009-09-19T17:42:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we think that we own the world. It's so familiar, it's so predictable. But you can't own the world even my world is totally different from yours. Maybe you can own your world but sometimes even our own world seems out of hand.

I mean, today could be the saddest day of my life but who knows it could be the happiest day of someone else who just had the same experience as me. Be it a walk in the park or receiving a text message.

I hate changes. It makes me feel not in control. Changes are sometimes a problem. Say, hmm.. If you lost someone or if a family splits things can never be the same again. The world that was so familiar before are now different. How your routine life will change. If before there are five people in the family and now there are four. Its sounds like a no big different but actually its a tremendous lost. At these times we'll only realize those small parts that one particular person did to our life. Okay, maybe losing someone is too big of a change. But let's say we go to class or office everyday with a car, the trip was routine and almost forgettable. but if suddenly on one fine day one of the tires punctured - that would be a problem and we have to deal with it.

Changes remind us that we are not always in control with our life.

I was in a labour room one day, you know its timeless in there. Those babies they come out anytime they like. It was 3 a.m. at that time. It was hectic, people running around with their works, you could see a few worried and sleepy husbands here and there and if you enter one of the room you could hear doctors and nurses cheering to help the labour process. Macam pasar borong. Anyway, I was cold, tired and sleepy. So I went outside for a while. It took me almost by surprise. The night was warm, silent and serene. The sky was very pretty with stars everywhere and you could almost feel people are sleeping out there. Completely different from where I've been 30 seconds ago. I don't know, at that time I felt so small and the world is so big. :D

*pic - balqis again~ my favorite little person

The villain in you

2009-09-13T15:18:00.006+08:00

I wonder does our childhood shape who we are today. I mean, we have seen all these in the movies and TV series. A child with a horrible childhood usually turned out to be the bad guy. You know, we have Sylar from Heroes or Voldemort from Harry Potter. They always give reasons why the villains are villains.

My childhood wasn't all that great. Maybe it does shaped who am I today. A little. Back then, when we have problems at home I always pretend nothing happened, I'll just go to school and act that everything is fine even though horrible things happened just before I go to school. But then, at that time I was little and I can ignore them because there's nothing else I can do. Just hope and pray it will solve itself. And to me it does solve itself, but you just have to bear with it. However. I got carried away. The way I face problems today never changed. Ignoring and hoping always the way to go.

I don't know. Maybe it does shape you. It taught you how the way you see things. The way you think because when you were a child everything is a first. Maybe because of repeated exposure. You know, just like Pavlov's dog theory. Maybe it all accounts as experiences. The way a rich kid act can be different from a poor kid just because their perceptions towards the same situation is different.

Maybe to some their childhood doesn't really affect who they are today. Or maybe they just don't realize it or maybe the effects wasn't that significant because it doesn't make them villains today. So we think. :D

*pic - humaira, my three year old cousin. huu. abes sume cousin kne promote. gadis gedix bersuare menggoda. wahaha. xcaye? met her as a guy. tapi sgt comey n talks too much.

Emosi Comot

2009-08-31T00:57:00.005+08:00

It's a mess alright. Emotions that is. It impairs our judgment. Why do we need it? They say it makes us human. I say it makes us miserable. People don't usually think straight when they are emotional. It makes us almost delusional sometimes. How small things can be ridiculously big when emotions stepped in. How simple can be complicated. How straight can be crooked.

Happy. Sad. Love. Hate. Anger. Jealousy. Grateful. Greed.

I can only think most of the negative ones. Do we experience emotion all the times? I don't know. Because right now I don't know what kind of feelings I'm having. But just because I can't name one doesn't mean it's not there. Weird things is. We always said feelings came from the heart. Truth is it's from brain. The hippocampal lobe to be exact. Then we can say emotions are merely neurons firings here and there plus some hormones, just like anything else.

We all have seen how emotion affects us. It affects our decisions. Same situation can lead to different decision when different emotions involve. kan2? I mean the way we think is different when we are angry than when we are happy. But at both times we will think we are damn right.

Apekah poin saye menulis ini? Ntah lah.

I think I'm just amaze by their influence. That's all. Even though it's messy I still think it's great. Spice up our life because without it we are just like robot. Only do things that we are suppose to.

**The pic - That was Balqis. My 2 year old cousin. Seorang gadis blur. Baru pas makan roti canai~

sepi

2009-08-30T23:35:00.004+08:00

It has been a while. busy? maybe. not really. just lazy. Anyway, I want to introduce to you a new category~ It is called Pretty Ordinary. This is where I'll put up my favorite pics. It is what I believe in photography, anything can be pretty. Even the most ordinary, not the settings, not the people but just as it is.

Taken by choky2

This is Afif. My 4 year old cousin. He was following my brother like a shadow, just because my brother has a camera with him. He was begging for his picture to be taken, begging to play with it and all. Look at those desperate eyes. :D

uh-oh

2009-07-29T12:46:00.003+08:00

Tell me. Is there anyone out there that haven't done anything wrong. Not a single thing. Live closely by the laws. Whatever laws out there. Is there? Hmmm. I don't know. Not if you are a human.

Doing something wrong, it also means breaking a law, don't you think? Maybe indirectly or maybe just some unwritten law or maybe just something that your mother ask you not to do but somehow we know it is wrong. bad.. So, why do we do it? Is it fun? Well. Sometimes. Depends. Cutting class can be fun. Speeding is also fun. Even stealing or lying can be fun. It's the thrills. Especially, when you didn't get caught after that.

And sometimes. For some sane people or after we think about it or maybe after doing it for the first time or when you do something really bad. It will also come with guilt. Yeah. The guilt. It makes you think that you won't do it again. Sometimes it works but sometimes it just doesn't. When it doesn't work anymore, you'll do it again and again until it doesn't feel wrong anymore. Now that is real bad.

Anyway, my point today is. If you confided to someone about a wrong thing that you've done and suddenly that person said 'hey, I've done that too'. How would you feel? I bet most of us will feel relieve. It makes us think maybe it is not so bad after all.

Well then. People said misery loves company. But now, we can also say guilt, crime, evil or whatever it is also loves company. Uh oh :D

hello~

2009-07-14T10:25:00.003+08:00

Meet my new laptop. It's pink and it's pretty. Though nothing much but I love it~ Pic by my lobsterman with our new D60. :D

This year hasn't been a good year for me. Technology wise. I tought I can get back on track with my blogging but then my modem pulak rosak due to over excitement because holding too much secrets. what the hell.

I've always wanted to tell the whole stories about my holidays. How I manage to watch seven movies in five weeks even the one I would never expect myself watch it, how I cook tasteless meals, how I spend splendid times with my families, how I acquire a uniform to attend weddings, some serious shopping after raiding almost all shopping malls in one day, the wine of the forbidden island (oh, hush) ;) and soo much more. Tapi.. Rasenye sume tu dah basi. So lets get moving. But first, some of my favourite pics~

the eyes were too big but the amount of money was too little

Well. people. have you met someone or maybe you are one of them, the kind of people who always get what they want and won't be happy unless it is exactly the way they want it. Well. I have. A lot of them. But so what. The good thing about them is that they will usually try very hard to get what they want. And there are two kinds of them. One who only enjoys the chase and the work and not so much about the product. The other one is the one who really treasures the product or the outcome of their effort. These people they have aims and visions, even on petty stuffs and they really know what they want and once they realized it they wont stop with any means possible until they achieved it. They can get a little annoying when they didn't get it and won't stop whining until they get another chance to try. Merely describing.

What if, the thing you are trying to have is wrong?
What if, you are just one of the product of someone who loves to chase? Hmm.. Drama.

Well. me? I'm neither. I do get what I want. Sometimes. But usually it takes a very long time. Because what I usually do is, I wish and I wait. So screwed. Or sometimes I did it in my own way which some people don't understand. But hey, it worked and I'm grateful. or I'm just lazy. :D

Till we meet again~!! tak tau la bile.

Hibernation

2009-06-02T10:16:00.002+08:00

won't be posting anything for a long time. kot. everything around me seems to be broken. huhu.

Oh well. Happy Holidays~!

Brain Freeze!

2009-05-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

When there are too much to study in too little time plus draining spirit. So here come this. When I thought it would lift my spirit a little. I got more scared adelah.

Anyway, wishing everyone the ultimate good luck I could give~ :D

tag by akakkk~

2009-05-06T17:42:00.005+08:00

Anda rasa anda hot?

hmm. mestilah. uhh. panas~

Upload gambar kegemaran anda.

Kenapa anda suka gambar ini?

First guess which one is me. hahah. gamba kegemaran sbb that's me and my favorite cousin. and kami sgt comel. baju same and all. i was like 8 mnths. hee. everytime tgk gamba nih sgt gembira.

Bila kali terakhir makan pizza?

tak igt. tapi dgn kanak2 pbl~

Apa yang anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?

blaja, reply msg and ym skali sementare tunggu nak upload gamba. huu. multitasking. uh. internet kure2

Tag 7 orang :

xnk bole x?

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know

2009-04-30T19:10:00.003+08:00

Principles. Do you have one? I bet you do. We all do. Not just one but a whole lot. Maybe we just don't realize it. yet. What is it anyway? I think it's kinda like a rule that you made for yourself and willingly wants to abide to it. Well you know like when people said..

I don't drink in a plastic cup or I don't eat from stalls by the street. It can a simple as that or it can be on bigger issues like I won't do drugs or no sex until marriage. I really having a hard time coming out with examples, but yeah.

I don't think what the principle is that matters but sticking to it is more important

People have reasons for their own principles. A real good one usually. Well depends on their reasoning too sometimes. When people start to give reason to things that they really want, even wrong things can sound right. When you put your words in a really proper way you actually can get want just by tweaking the truth a little. I really suck at that area. I don't know how to manipulate and when I tried I tend to be transparent. Yeah. I digress. I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about principles right now, because I have a serious problem with that.

People said, rules are meant to be broken. Well, maybe. But how bout principles. I don't know about you, but I broke mine all the time. Ugh. I really hate myself for that. You see I just can't let people down. I mean. When my principle says I don't want to do this because it's wrong or because I just don't like it but when someone ask me to, I tend to follow it. Blindly. Just like that. I am so easy to be influenced. I absorbed it like a sponge. I am afraid to say no, because I am afraid of what people will think of me and that's just stupid because I believe my principles are good. You know, when you stand up on your principle people tend to say ' ee.. baik nye' and I think that comes with a subtle smirk (well that's what I usually do). Maybe I just made that up in my mind. Because I know I am not that good. But I want to be good. Hahaha. That just sound really corny and who cares what people think when you are doing the right thing. Right?

But I hate people with too much principles. because I think they are no fun and they not that good anyway talk too many and do so little. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I'm not that strong.

I don't even know if anyone will understand what I'm trying to say. :D

Belajar buat saya lapar

2009-04-26T12:20:00.004+08:00

Revision week is when everything I've been learning for the past 8 weeks is finally coming into sense. Seriously and I can't help relating everything I've had studied to a real life situation.

Say.. Right now. I'm typing - it's a ballistic movement, function of spinocerebellum, cerebrocerebellum in planning sequential movement and basal ganglia in congnitive control of muscle, controlling timing and intensity of movement. At the same I'm producing word that will be Wernicke's area kot. Don't get me started on visual pathway, posture reflex, ascending and descending tract and much much more. So many things need to happen just for me to sit and type correctly.

Hee. Xtau lah klu salah. One more day to go. Ahh~ Drugs oh Drugs

The time is now.

2009-04-15T21:25:00.003+08:00

There are too many great things in this world, like families, health, friends, time and wealth. These things have done miraculous wonders in our life but human seldom notice this because they have get too comfortable with it and think it's gonna last forever. But in the end, these great things share the same irony. We only missed them when they are gone.

So you know what I think we should do in return? Appreciate.

Now. Now. Here comes another human flaw. Procrastination. We love the word later don't we? Because we think there's always plenty of time but the truth is these things go when we least expect it. And when the time has come, there's no point in reminiscing or regretting and thinking I should have done this and that just to clear your guilty conscience. Seriously it's pointless and a waste of time. We should only focus more of our attention in what we still have.

Some say health is like an invincible crown, we only notice it when it's gone. It's true isn't it. Even a small cut at a finger can make your life little less comfortable.

Friends come and goes, but what makes we think that the new one will always have the same quality our former friends.

As I said there are too many great things in this world. If we observe keen enough we will surely see. If we are smart enough we will realize that the time to appreciate is now and always start small. Maybe we can start by saying thank you. Believe me those words can do great wonders too. :D

Oh. This post was actually meant for my late grandmum. Memories keep rushing back and I do have few regrets but I think I did pretty well during our last meeting. So, al-fatihah to nani.

A year wiser~

2009-04-04T16:00:00.000+08:00

Uhh. I'm twenty one already. So much to do. So much to accomplish. So much to rectify. I'm officially an adult. yeah. really. Like there's much difference. Just little more wrinkles and little less oocytes.

Oh. Thanks everyone. I love you all so much~! :D

Waterfall~ sejukk..

2009-03-30T17:19:00.004+08:00

Went to Panching last weekend. Unplanned. No, they have been planning tp ktorng kanak2 study grup jibah datang menyebok. Bday fafa~

Walaupun salu kutuk kuantan, but have to admit the nature is kinda cool. Pics were taken with my phone, who at the of the trip the fell into the water. wahaha. nasib baik xrosak. uhh.

Cube try test

2009-03-28T16:32:00.003+08:00

Trying is a good thing, because you'll never lose but you'll always learn. Maybe in a certain situation trying can be a harm but still, you learn. But mostly in our daily life situation trying is essential. You don't have to be a genius to figure the possible outcomes of trying - either you succeed or you fail.

Though I hate trying because most of the time I was scared and sometimes just lazy, but I don't know why.

There was a saying - If you don't ask, the answer is always no.
It means that everything is worth a try, the worse that could happen is rejection though you will definitely get it if you didn't try at the first place. See, what is there to lose.

There was another saying, it means something like the result is not that important but the effort is what that is count. Now. This is a bit complicated and hard to accept, but after a much thought it is true after all.

Effort and outcome. Everyone would love to have the best possible outcome there is out there. But, the question is, have you tried your very best to deserve it? My answer would always be no. huu. As far as I remembered, never in my life I can say that I've tried my best. I do make an effort, but just enough for me to settle in a safe place. I think that's why I never be the best in whatever I do, I can be quite good or almost great and suck most of the time but never the best.

If I tried as much as lifting a finger I shouldn't be expecting a wonderful result woudn't I? but then, it is far better than not trying at all. :D

Order, order

2009-03-16T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm miles away from great, let alone perfect. I'm no different from the people who sat next to you, say, in a train station. But I have this one habit that always makes me forget the existence of mirror. I love to judge people. Badly.

You see, I love beautiful things but everyone does. But who am I to say that guy is ugly though he's filthy rich, her nose is crooked or her taste of fashion is so bad that makes me wonder is she color blind? But looks never matters. Maybe on first impression or beautiful people sometimes get special treatment because human just can't help it. But I always think that there is nothing more soothing or calming to see a familiar face when you are in a deepest trouble. At that time it doesn't matter how ugly the person is because there are far more important things in this world than that.

Oh. But not just looks. Sometimes I judged based on people's achievement in their studies especially in my course where there are so many hardworking people. I always have thoughts like these 'are you that stupid, it is such a simple question' or like 'what? you can't even manage to answer that, I thought you study all night'. Gosh. I sounded horrible. And sometimes when I see pious people, I tend to look for their flaws. I don't know why, maybe because of my own insecurity but I always try to convince myself that that person is not that good even though she/he behave and dress in the best manner possible.

Uh, I feel bad. But most of the time I tried my best not to tell others of what I think. Because that will makes me even worse.

I never dream to be a judge, and if ever be I can't never be fair either. wtf. Like I said I'm no better and no offense. :D

Best of both world

2009-02-21T10:00:00.002+08:00

In the last couple of weeks I have to find an alternative means of entertainment, so I read novels. Intensely until my eyes are buldging out. Ah. tipu. What I want to say is about my last two novels. I picked the novels through the authors but random titles. I didn't even bother to read the synopsis. It turns out that both of them have almost similar themes. It's about some culture/lifestyle in Christian community.

The first one is about the nuns in the Cistercian convent. They have the strickest rules of all types of convent. Once they enter the place they can't never leave. They lived in silence. Which they believe would give them serenity. The sisters spend their day by saying prayers five times a day. They couldn't talk to each other. They shouldn't even make eye contact, they need to low their gaze at all times. During meal time no sister can seat next to each other consecutively. Any kind of friendship is forbidden and they only eat for needs not pleasure. The only contact they could make is to their leader and least words are used, they communicate through ancient sign languange. Bizarre.

The next on is about the Amish community, or so they call themselves the Plain People and the common people as Englishers. They live in a very conservative way. No phones. No TVs. No electricities unless really needed. They used buggy for transportation, it is a horse drawn vehicle. Least technologies are used as it will tempted them to the outside world. Clothes that they sew for themselves using only pins. Their clothes should not call any attention in color, cut or any other features. Education is not much higher than eighth grade, which is sufficient in Amish lifestlye. Their goal is not stand up in the community but to blend, to be as similar as they can be with each other. The concept of Amish practice are the rejection of pride (Hochmut), high value of humility (Demut) and also submission (Gelassenheit). They speak in Dutch, as their origin is Swiss. Their restrictions are not for suffering, some exceptions are permissible when needed.

What both of them have in common despite being a devoted Christian is that they seclude themselves from the outside world. To be protected from the world's temptations. I don't know why I'm writing this. I just adore their devotions but I don't agree in being extreme. Well, as muslims we believed that we should balance every aspects of our lives. Between the world and the here-after. And I think that's just harder, to get the best of both world.

I only write something trivial and simple about these communities. Wanna know more google up yourself~ Oh, and I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, didn't know any better. They just amaze me. :D

Scibbling away~

2009-02-15T18:24:00.005+08:00

I recently noticed that I like to write. Though mostly to myself and most of them are craps. But it helps, sort of, to channel my feelings and it does makes me feels better. It's like talking to someone but you're not being judge.

I write things that would took me a great deal of effort for me to say. If you want to get to know me or want to know what I think of you, just ask me to write to you. I could be a cold monster but I can also give you diabetes for being too sweet. Whichever I want. *Exaggeration alert*

I tend to get emotional when I write. Writing here, I had to pay the price. It fascinates me how people could qoute what I wrote, assume, make conclusion and sometimes give answers to my own dillemmas. Eventhough I only have a handful readers and most of them are my friends(including those anonymous and those people with sophisticated nicknames), it made me realize that words have powers. But words are also permanent. I might delete some things that I've wrote, but once it has made an impression it can never be the same.

Writing and talking are not the same. Atleast I would like to assume that. Yes. Both uses words. When we write we have all the time in the world to think of our next sentence but when we are talking, it is rather more spontaneous. I don't know but I think it depends on the person. Some people could charm others with only a few words but to some people their world could turn into hell once they speak.

But words are interesting. It depends on how people use it. It can be beautiful. It can be extremely hideous. Words are use to describe other words, like in a dictionary. A long sentence and a short sentence can convey the same message but maybe to a different level of understanding.

I'm babbling and I don't care. I just miss my blog so much~! :D

Darn

2009-01-30T10:08:00.004+08:00

Mistakes are awful. It's just plain stupid. After a mistake was done, I would have one desperate wish. The wish that I haven't done that one particular action that has led to the particular mistake. Ugh. But mistake makes you learn. I guess. My latest lesson is air sirap and laptop doesn't go along so well.

So, yeah. Laptop rosak~! wahhh. xley nak berblogging atau ape2 yg bekenaan dgn computer. Dapat alasan utk tak update blog~ huhu

Oh no. Baru igt. My latest lesson is not laptop and air sirap but tertinggal beg duit dalam bas maraliner. Wah~ Whatever. It's just stupid to make the same mistake twice.

It never stops

2009-01-12T10:12:00.004+08:00

Time. It's something that is not there but yet we can feel the presence explicitly. Yeah. Maybe time is just another interface that used by human to describes things just like another word. But somehow I think it is far more complex than anyone could ever think. It's not merely what number the fingers of a clock is pointing. It can represent a lifetime, a century, hopes, memories, zenith of a dynasty or can simply be divided into three.

Yes, three. The past, the present and the future. But come to think of it how could you possibly divide it. There's no exact line between those three but yet it's there. People say "I live in the moment". Can you? Those moments you called present slip between your fingers with you barely notice it. But some say "It's a gift". That's why it is called the present. That's another way to look at it. It's ironic I would say. Right now I can swear it's the present but by the time I finished writing this sentence it's in the past already. It's like it has never been there. But it was there just now. I could go crazy thinking about it.

I also think that time is the biggest illusion of all time. Hah. But yes. You see the exact amount of time can be excruciatingly long and extremely short at the same time. A minute can be long when you are holding your breath for example and can be meaningless say.. when you are doing things that you love or it can be extremely important like when you are saving someone's life. But still it's only a minute. 60 seconds. tick. tick. There it goes.
Oh, Jeffery Deaver in his novel describes time as an illusion too. It goes something like this.

The past is an illusion,
The future is an illusion,
Only the present is real.

Yes. So true.

Time makes the heart grew fonder. Time makes us forget. Really? Some things you don't just forget. Some things you just can't let go. and it hurt. Sometimes it is just not enough to heal the wound. I'm just saying.

Future. An anticipation. A hope. Merely a creation of mind.

Owh. I'm running out of time. I'm writing this post to kill the time in between classes. Now I wish I could buy more time so I can write more. What the hell. Sori lah teha klu xcukup panjang. hehe.

Metamorphosis

2009-01-05T19:04:00.004+08:00

I've always wonder. Can people really change? Yes human learn, grow mature but change? I don't know. I wonder because I've never seen one.

I've seen people who get all high spirits during the early time they are trying to change. They'll all do things they never used to. But, in the end they'll go back to become the person that they used to be. Like after attending a motivational talk, I'll get all disciplined and motivated for a few hours, but then I'll forget all about it. Oh I've seen a person who tried to start a new life, change, become a better man but in the end he ends up ruining other people's life including mine. I don't hate the intention and effort to change but it made me realize it must be really hard.

Well, people do change sometimes I guess when they really need to. Maybe once a smoker gets a lung cancer, he'll stop smoking. Or maybe people change when they have a reason or someone to count on to. I don't think people change because he alone wants to. There must be something that triggers it and keeps him going. Some change for the better and some change for the worse.

What do I mean change. I hate changes. It's so comfortable being myself right now. But a little part of me wants to change. It's not that I want to change something drastic about myself. It's just change how I handle things and situations. But I don't think I can. I'm not trying hard enough or maybe I'm trying too hard. I think I'm actually trying too hard this time. It scares the crap out of me if I fail. I already got the reason that should be enough to keep me going. I sure is hope that I'll succeed. Oh please.

Yay~!

2009-01-04T13:10:00.001+08:00

From syida~ wee. my first award. she says there's something about my writing. :D

I'll pass it on to..
1. A medical student - she being herself is fun.
2. Haxi the baker - BM yg hebat and funny wordplay.
3. watch-doc - walaupn kdg2 xphm, adore the passion.
4. klu bole nak kasi 11th-colony - members ny yg sgt pandai gaduh, kontroversi, comment dan tak puas hati. ugh.

Potrait

2009-01-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

Tiada kerja dan saya sayang mereka~
Selamat tahun barus semua~ 2009 and 1430h

What's so hard about it?

2008-12-22T16:56:00.006+08:00

I currently have two problems. First, I have trouble telling people how I feel. I don't know why but it somehow makes me feels vulnerable. Second, I have people who have trouble telling me how they feel and make my life a living puzzle.

Thinking about something and saying it out loud is a whole different thing. Just because you think of it or assume something about it doesn't makes it real. Assumption is remotely a fact. There's no single human being in this whole wide world that can actually read minds. (Uh,no offense Edward Cullen) Hence, we need to tell others or at least ask . Don't assume. Don't make your own conclusion. Don't do something stupid without knowing things for sure.

Say, if you like a girl. Just because she replied your smile doesn't mean she has the same feelings towards you. But there's also a slight chance that she is totally in love with you. So, you need to find out by telling her. Paham?

Giving silent treatment and going all sulky when you are angry doesn't make things any better. It makes things worst. Sometimes people doesn't even know why you are angry. Tell them if they hurt your feelings. Sometimes words act better than action.

Sometimes it's a comfort to know. Even though you have say it thousands times before. Like telling your mum how much you miss her.

I think telling people how you feel makes the world a better place to live. Though it's a skill that I really need to work on. Hold no grudge. Spread the love. :D

......

2008-12-21T09:16:00.000+08:00

Really had the urge to write but nothing came out. ugh. Just like constipation with tenesmus. wtf?

Hush.

2008-12-16T23:00:00.001+08:00

Let's talk about secrets. Juicy. I hate secrets but I have a lot of it. Just had the most awesome night of my life but I can't tell everyone because the fear of hurting one person. Secret is ridiculous.

Secret is power. You can use people if you know their darkest secret. Learn how in Gossip Girl. Huhu.

Secret makes you a liar. There's no explanation needed in that

Secret is fun. When you have someone to share it with.

Secret is tiring. When it affects a big part of your life and when it's all you can think of.

Secret draws attention. Seriously. It's intriguing and most of the time controversial.

Sometimes it is better not to tell because once it is out there's no way back. You can't chew back your own words. But sometimes it's just has to be told. For the greater good. Now I sound like Dumbledore.

Why do people keep secrets?

Because we don't want people to know, but why?

I keep secrets because I want to evade people's judgment, to not hurt someone, to save myself from trouble or simply because I'm a coward. But it is up to me. I like keep things to myself. I'm a private person and only a few out there that can really crack me open. But. I seem to not be able to keep other people's secrets very well. Huu. Don't trust me.

In Desperate Housewives they said, a man is as sick as his secret. So true.

Tiada rahsia antara kita. That's what they say in true love. Bullshit. I don't know maybe it's true. But I don't think so.

But secrets doesn't always has to be all dark and miserable isn't it. But why must you keep good things to yourself.

I don't know what the hell I am talking about. Just typing for the sake of update. Ideas has been popping up like popcorn but I just can't make myself into writing it. Ugh. I'm too lazy to do anything these days. :D

Meet the strangers

2008-11-25T12:00:00.008+08:00

Coincidence is interesting. It makes this world or to be precise, this world wide web, seems a little small. During the past couple of weeks I've stumble with three random persons that turned out to be somehow related with my real life. If they were to find out about this post,I would like say sorry in advance if I ever intrude their privacy.

Exhibit A
The first guy came up when my brother talked about him over dinner. He was going out along with my brother and other jemaah for 40 days without his parents permission. So he sold his mobile phone and earning him RM150. We were pitying him and all. Well, he turned out to be this cute guy who have send a request to be my friend in Facebook but I've ignored him because he seems to be adding girls randomly. But later that night when my brother saw the request he said, "Haa. tu lah dak tadi tuh" He lives in my neighborhood, my age but he didn't came from the same school as mine. Oh, and of course I approved the request.

Exhibit B
The second one is quite bizarre. I've been reading this person's blog for quite a while. I even commented on one of his posts. He's a 34 year old doctor who's now studying anesthesiology. He loves photography, took great pictures with this awesome DSLR that I wish to buy someday. uh. Well, he's also learning photoshop so I did leave some advice on how's the fastest way to master it.

At the same time, my grandmother is having a heart problem and been visiting HUKM frequently. One of the doctors there is my family. My mum has talked on and on about him. How nice he is, that he's single and she wants me to meet him. Huu. xpelah. She even shows me pictures of him. When I saw the pictures it didn't ring any bells but when my mum told me that he likes to take pictures. I was like could it be him?
So, I showed the blog to my mum and she said yes. Haha. My mum even force me to leave a comment in his blog telling the whole stories.
Yeah. Some famous blogger turned out to be my second cousin.

Exhibit C
The last one is more nostalgic I would say. I met my first crush~ One of my biggest crush and I was crushed by him. Hahaha. It brings back all the memories. I was eight and didn't know any better. We were friends, and I like him a lot. We love Dragon Ball and used to draw the characters all the time. One day when I know it was his birthday, I don't have much money but I want to give him present so I bought him pencils and an eraser. I guess. I wrapped it with papers and pasted little hearts on it. OMG! I can't believe I did that. Anyway, when he received it he frowned and he peeled the hearts off. Uh. It hurts. Haha. But we continue to be friends until 9 had a massive fight and then I pass the PTS and trus gi standard 5. No longer friends since then.
He added me on Facebook. But, I didn't remember him so well because he looks different. But after few comments of confirmation of course I remember him now.

Oh. Upon request. Home was great. Tgk lah pergi and balik dgn sape kan. hahah. Especially when I had the chance to introduce all my favorites people in the world i.e my loud family. Hee. Enough.

Mst belajar~! Ah. Malas. :D

Tagged the first and second. huu

2008-11-23T22:42:00.008+08:00

Utk pertame kali nye. huhu. nape tag xtau lah. tapi mcm menarik. dah bape lame dah nih. tapi internet tahi. nak upload gamba pun xbole.

The first one by mysourha

1. Take a screenshot of your desktop without moving/closing any of the windows

2. Tag 5 people!

if without moving or closing the desktop you got this one lah

But this one is my desktop. so amiklah due2

Tag 5 people? xcukup org nih. layan je lah eh
1. haxi
2. oyuk?
3. skm
4. shafie
5. sape sape lah. biso sengoti ke.haha

and this one by akak~ or haxira
tough Qs tho.

1.How old are you?
Twenty and loving it

2. Are you single?
Hmmm.. yes

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Gosh. just like akak. I would love it to be 24 but I dunno. studies and work are in the way.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Hell I dunno

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
Chuck Bass. Yes

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Beach/garden sounds fun but no too risky. Traditional maybe. hotel if i can afford it or maybe some hall.

7. Your ideal motif?
Oh. akak. I want off-white too! and some dark red roses

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Aish. I want to go somewhere extreme and different like safari or desert or Iceland.
But beaches are more romantic. So. Ntah lah

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
200 sudah.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Simple yet extremely classy and elegent. :D

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
we don't need one usually

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
seven

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
Simple wedding at a hotel. Bole?

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Evening reception

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Malaysia and outdoors. No way. It'll be either hot or rainy. It has to be perfect so indoors

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
Something different would be fun

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
My heroin by Silverstein played by me - the piano version. Haha. I wish. Tough song but maybe. I would love to hire someone to play live piano during the whole ceremony

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night!

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
I'm a first born, first grandchildren on my father side. so it might get solemn provided that my bro doesn't cut the line lah.

20. What age do you want to get married?
Hm. Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome nih. ish

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Oh gosh. Someone dominant but not bossy. Caring yet not over protective. Someone who listens and shares at the same time. But most importantly he must be the best of friend then I own the world. Hahaha. Too much information

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Ntah

23. Champagne or red wine?
Neither

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after. hehe

25. Money or household item?
Money. Because I'm kinda fussy and sometimes the gifts are overlapped. So just give me the money ok.

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Both party

27. Are you ready for married life?
Nah. I don't think I'll ever be but I just have to I guess

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
yes.

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Yeah. I hope so. You can't never be sure.

30. How many kids do you like?
I used to dream to have 7 kids. realistically maybe 3 or 4

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
New house but not new neighborhood. Ade ke? Some condo maybe

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
ntah. diamond?

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Maybe normal malay wedding cuisine but one thing for sure the door gifts will be chocolates~

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
Lots and lots of DVDs.

Told ya. though questions. maybe someday I might just elope with someone grabbed from the streets

tagging syida and mai. <33

Organized Rythm

2008-11-17T10:36:00.003+08:00

Mari mari abe,
kito pege tange,
abe jgn riso,
kito sude tune.

Well, yeah this song was played over and over again on the bus during my journey from Kuantan to KL last Friday. The tune started out like a club song and when the singer starts singing it sounded like a Hindi song but when you listen closely it was actually a Malay song, with Kelantanese dialect. After manage to gobble a bar of chocolate and sank down a bottle of ice cream soda, I was sugar high and in grave need to take a leak. I became extra alert and manage to catch some of the lyrics from the song. I even know what album it is from - Citra Dikir 2. haha. I caught the driver unwrapping the brand new album out of its plastic like a kid with a handful of candies. There were a few of new albums.

Everyone loves music right? At least I am. I listen to music most of the time and I might just turn deaf by the age of 30. My only source of mobile music just broke and I'm sorely affected by it. I'm currently totally in love with Mocca, Jack Johnson and Hellogoodbye. I'm also dipping my toes into Travis and Radiohead without much problem because they're awesome.

One person music liking might be entirely different from the other even though if they are best friends.

I always think that it's an interesting way to get to know someone by checking their playlist. They might turned out to be rather unexpected and surprising. I might think that the bus driver's music choice was ridiculous but he might as well think mine is too. I used to know this urban girl who you wouldn't expect to be a fanatic of dikir barat song or my other friend who looks rather soft on the outside loves Metallica's song. Even my brother who always loves screamy-trashy song actually has a soft spot for Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift.

All in all it depends on the person's ears. We can't judge music or even worse debating which music is the best. Music has invaded us all. Uh oh. :D

Out of the blue

2008-11-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

Blue is no where near my favorite color but it somehow describes me. I took a test called what's your true color?
So I'm blue.

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

That's me. Maybe. Some of it. Not really.

Mesti belajar! Mesti.

What's the deal?

2008-11-03T21:47:00.005+08:00

The Muslims had received many prophecies years ago that doesn't make any sense back then but just so relevant today. That's just awesome. We should be the greatest population on earth. But sadly we're not, yes we were once before but that doesn't really matter now.

Among the prophecies are about the signs near doomsday.
One of it is, "there will be very tall buildings"

Petronas Twin Towers used to be the tallest building in the world, it is located in Malaysia the country that is govern by the Muslims. The height is 452 m and consist of 88 floors. It was designed by César Pelli an Argentine-American architect. Interestingly, this building was designed to resemble motifs found in Islamic art, a reflection of Malaysia's Muslim religion and the building cross-section resemble an Islamic symbol called Rub el Hizb. Cool.

It looks a little like IIUM's logo don't you think?

Unfortunately, in the year 2004 Taipei 101 was build with the height of 502.9 m and 101 floors. Easily surpass Petronas Twin Tower with extra 50m and 13 floors.

Now I'm getting to my point.

The Burj Dubai is yet to be tallest building in the world. It is estimated to be completed by September 2009. With the height of 818 m! Surreal. Luckily human hasn't manage to surpass God's tallest mountain. The Everest - 8,848 m~ We are far far behind.

As the name implies, it is located in Dubai. One of the seven emirates in UAE. Of course, lead by Muslims.

I mean, come on what's the rush? Despite all the prophecies, we are inviting the doomsday. We are like let's fulfilled all the signs near doomsday, one each day, so it'll be faster. I'm not against development but I just think it is such a waste of money. All those famine and wars involving Muslims. Disappointing.

Oh, and don't get me started on how we are like racing on building humongous, beautiful and yet empty mosques around the country. Yes, it is on the list of signs near doomsday. Told ya!

I'm no good in this, please correct me if I'm wrong.

*I don't want to bore you with details, so for further readings simply click on the maroon words - links to the source*

Wishing upon the stars

2008-11-01T21:24:00.002+08:00

I have a lot of wishes. Some are waiting to be fulfilled, some I don't even think I can have it and some will never come true. One of it is I always wish to never grow up. Of course I didn't wish this when I was small. I always think I was not much a kid when I was a kid. I mean, I always felt that I was too big for this and had voices saying you're not a kid anymore, you don't fit here. I remember having this when I was around 9 to 12 years old. I totally regret it today at 20 and next year I'm officially an adult. Ugh. Come on, being a kid is the greatest thing. You can be a nuisance but yet be loved. You can be all sloppy and clumsy but still you're cute. You don't have to make real life long effect choices. Your biggest problem was your Barbie's shoe went missing. You can ruin all your teeth because it will simply grow back. You even have Children's Day for goodness's sake.

But some wishes are just not meant to be fulfilled. I had my time, I just have to deal with it.

Somehow some people say be careful of what you wished for, you might just get it. That's totally true too.

Oh, Saturday night sucks when you have had the greatest Saturday night last week. *exaggeration alert* :p I should lay low, shouldn't get my hopes up. I'm just another girl.

Sultan Pahang's Birthday + weekend + Deepavali = Cuti~

2008-10-27T01:07:00.006+08:00

Today I'm in the mood to tell the world about my weekend. I might go rojak ayam all the way and mind you it might get a little personal. Haha. No way.

Kisah bermule, Khamis 23rd October.
Hm. The bus was at 8. Ari isnin lagi dah btau zub2 nak mintak tolong anta gi terminal. At 7.30 tunggu2 xdtg pn zub2 nih. Teha made the decision to call him and yes he forgot and he was at the megamall. We freaked out. Kami pn decide utk cari org len utk anta. Nasib ade Jibah tapi time tu hujan sgt lebat so die xle drive. Hmm. Mintak Fafafia bwk kan kete n die lum solat lak. Aish. 7.40pm. Nak wat cane suh je lah die solat dulu and die anta ktorng. Fafa bwk sgt laju n sempat~ 7.58pm kot sampai. Tapi bas gerak lambat gak.

Huu. The whole class was shocked with Ipin's announcement to get married this December. The whole class cheered. He was the first, it was like a splat in the face. We are adult. Haha. Oh, I told my mum about it. She was shocked too. Talking by experience she's always against early marriage and especially when the girl is older. Tapi setiap kali pn she would ends up saying "ala, tapi ramai je yg kekal kan" I thought that was it. Suddenly she hit me with a question. "Kalau tetibe ade org ajak ira kawin, ira nak x?" I was like whatthefish? but all I can do was chuckled n sengih mcm kerang busuk. Never really thought about it. Yeke?

Friday, 24th October.
The day start a little late. Ye lah tunggu the stupid Toshiba guy to repair our stupid new fridge. Kate kul 2, kul 4 baru sampai. My brother and I were planning to go out that day. Jadi sgt lambat la kua ny. Tapi xkire nak kua gak. Tapi bile kua with my brother kene lah wat the usual routine KLCC-Pavilion-BB/Sg.Wang. Jalan kaki macam ape. "Kakak, oki nak cari topi lah kat pavilion, pastu nak cari kemeja lah kat BB." Songeh sgt banyak mamat tuh. Shops like a girl. Oh, he bought a cap and I bought a bag <3 at Pull and Bear.

Movie at 8pm. Eagle Eye. The story was a little slow at the beginning and has a lame intro. The usual crap Muslim as terrorist. But suddenly the pace changed - warp speed. "Jerry Shaw, you're activated" said the voice over the phone. It's about a guy and a lady who were forced to do things and they received orders mostly from phone calls made by 'someone' who can see them every where they go. But I think most of it are kinda cliche, sappy ending but worth watching. Oh, before the movie. Hampir ketemu tapi tak kesampaian. Haha. Got home around 11pm. Ibu pun dah tdo nasib xkene marah

Saturday, 25th October.
It's a one heck of a historical day. It was the day I cooked my first dish. Haha. My mum wasn't around dan ade perut yg perlu di isi jadi ibu pn suruh masak lah. Hmm. Baiklah. So, with the music on, tears running down (damn onions!) and a lot of faith. I cooked. Huu. My sister kate sedap. Haha. Oh, but one thing I learned jgn msg2 time masak. Nanti terhangus. Ah. Sket je.

Kemudian baru kuar umah~ First stop, SKM's open house. Hah. Lambat. Sume kwn2 dah balik. Tapi nasib ade makan lagi. Huu. Nice host. Next, Alamanda. Hm. we were hoping for a live band tapi xde pon. So, jalan2 round the mall few laps. Then sume pn dah bising suh balik. Kne lah balik. Ingat terus balik. Tapi disuruh gi another open house but this one was totally different and a very embarrassing one indeed. Yeah. Sangat2. Friendly folks though we were sending a wrong message to the family. Then got home has to endure my mum's interrogation. But love the spontaneity of the day, funny.

Sunday, 26th October.
Nothing really happen. Another open house. But I got my full dose of Yaya. Dapat cite2. Huu. Best.

Today, 27th October.
Here am I writing this in the middle of the night. Nak balik dah~~ wah. xmo. Oyasumi~!

First born rules!

2008-10-19T18:52:00.010+08:00

I have a theory. That came from my sheer observation since my childhood and all my subjects revolve from my family. The theory is about the differences between the first and second born.

It only applies when:
-Both of them have the same gender.
-Their age gap usually less than 3 years.

Okay, from what I observe the first child seems to be more active, naughtier, smarter but less successful in life because they tend to be more carefree. Oh, less successful doesn't mean they are some kind of pathetic loser but just in comparison with the second child.

The second child seems to be more tense, well disciplined and they work harder so they tend to have a proper or better life.

But. I have no idea why they are like that or maybe it's just me trying to say what I want to believe.

Annddd... Guess what? Guess what?

There's actually this thing called Second Child Syndrome. Yeah. However, it doesn't really relates with my so-called theory but it somehow describes the parenting difference that the second child usually received.

Your first child was the over-protected experiment…but she also got your undivided attention, a full schedule of playdates and ‘educational outings,’ and frame-by-frame video and photography documentation of every big first – at least until her sister was born.

Enter the second child. You may recognize her by her gently-worn wardrobe, smaller bedroom, and nearly empty baby book. She has committed the entire Nick Jr. afternoon programming schedule to memory, and knows the best way to get mom’s attention is to make noise – and a lot of it. Fighting with her older sibling is her favorite pastime. But she’s also amazingly self-sufficient, and full of wonderful surprises.

Oh well, there goes my another falsampah. haha. ape ape jelah.

Hmm. I wonder why is it every time I work harder it gets harder. I felt like a complete idiot just now during PBL. Even though the night before I've read so much. So much compared to before this lah. It seems to be much easier when I didn't bother to try. Maybe that's why I always consider myself to be allergic or sensitive to hard work because my brain seems to work much better with less info in it and gets full blown anaphylactic shock when I tried put more info in it than it could ever consume. Definitely bullshit~ :D

Talk to the (left) hand.

2008-10-15T16:41:00.004+08:00

I'm a lefty and proud of it. But I don't even know why. Maybe because there are only handful of them out there. 7% - 10% of the population and it is more common in female. But, it is also common in people with neurological disorder like autism and mental retardation and normal left-handers tend to be schizophrenic, alcoholic, delinquent, dyslexic, and have Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis, as well as mental disabilities.(Now it's getting depressing, damn those researches. Huh)

Quite a few of the articles I found was saying left handed people are better fighters because people don't aspect a left hook and so they tend to be criminals or a delinquent. Some even list out names of left handed criminals and believe it Osama Bin Laden is one of them.

While I was browsing for more articles about left handedness, I found this questionnaires that has 80 questions about Multiple Intelligence Inventory and of course I did answered it because one of the earliest questions asked whether I'm right or left handed. The results tell me about 8 areas of learning with a percentage on it. It seems that I am a loser in every aspects. My highest score was 36% on maths and body/kinesthetic?

Okay, back on left handedness.

Let's talk about the greatness of left handed people.
"left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers."
"left-handedness also govern development of the language centers of the brain."
"left-handed could produce a corresponding intellectual advance and a leap in the number of mathematical, sporting, or artistic geniuses."
"study found that left-handed men are 15 percent richer than right-handed men for those who attended college, and 26 percent richer if they graduated. The wage difference is still unexplainable and does not appear to apply to women" Well, that one I don't really like.

There are many famous left handers too. Well I know there are zillions of other famous right handed out there but given that we are minority and many of us are famous is actually quite impressive. Here are some names that doesn't need any introduction:
Leonardo da Vincci, Michealangelo, Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie, Kurt Kobain, Paul McCartney, Maradona, and Valentino Rossi.

Some said left handedness is inherited. A friend of mine said it always skip a generation like if your father is left handed, you and your siblings won't be one but your children will. I don't know but it is totally true in my case.

Oh. Others also said left handers tend to be clumsy. Lol. Tell me about it. But that's not true, it is actually because most things around us are meant for right handers (like scissors and those desks and chairs that are joined together)and we the left handed people are having trouble adapting with it. Now I feel better.

Left handers are also associated with leadership. Which doesn't really occur to me. However, 60% of U.S presidents in the last thirty years have been left-handed, including Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton. Presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain also happen to be left-handed. Yeah.

Gosh. I need to stop. Btw, August 13th is Left Handers day. :D

Hey Einstein!

2008-10-11T22:18:00.003+08:00

Would you agree if I say everyone is a genius?
You, me and everyone.
There are all sorts of genius out there. They can be in a form of actors, choreographers, scientists, lawyers or even jugglers. Every field has its own genius and everyone has their own field of interest. But why there aren't many of them. I would say it's their luck or they've found their passion. Yeah, because no one knows that he is a genius until he is one.

A father wouldn't say to his son over dinner something like "Son, it's a little dark in here. Why don't you try to invent a light bulb tomorrow?"

or

You wake up one day and realize that you want to create a sewer system.

I wish it's that simple. It is somehow a matter of luck and passion and of course, hard work.

Then, how to become a genius? (rich and famous too maybe)
Hmm. Maybe simply do things that you love. I mean, even if you're not a genius in the field that you've chosen but at least you love it. I love and envy when people said that they are being paid to do things that they love. It sounds so unfair.

Well, as for me I don't even know why I'm doing medicine. I'm not a people person and I don't think that I'll get any better after three and a half years. Though I enjoy studying it sometimes.

So, find the genius in you or maybe I should say find the genius in me. Yeah. That's more like it. :D

Body, soul and crap

2008-10-08T18:54:00.006+08:00

A living person is a body with a trapped soul in it. I say trapped because we don't choose our body but we don't choose our soul either. A body aged, injured and healed. It's physical. But a soul is the same either when we were young, old or handicapped. A soul is the one that makes up a person's personality. We complained about our body but our soul is what we are.

So, what makes a person beautiful?

Someone wise and mature must say it's the soul.
Someone superficial might say it's the body.

I don't know.

But I say it's a little bit of both.

There. Just a passing thought. A crappy one indeed. Who cares. :D

They spell out BRATS!

2008-10-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

Last week, 1st Syawal, I woke up with five siblings. I have two additional baby brothers Afif and Raziq. We had to take care of them because their parents have to work during hari raya. Uh, pity them.. Though we were more than happy to take care of them because they are among my favorites little people in the world~

Proudly present,
my favorite brats!

Muhammad Afif, The master of disguise
4 years old.
One minute he can be Abg Mat from Geng Bas Sekolah and in a flash he would turn into Danny Phantom or any other characters
He talks ridiculously amazing things for his age.
Tagline - "Mcm nak terberak je", "Mcm badut" (with a specific and influential tones that make us all saying it too and look pretty stupid)

Siti Noraini Humaira, The otai kampung
2 years 9 months old
Don't fall for her cuteness, she could beat Afif without a fight.
With a husky voice she talks awfully a lot but you'll understand very little, but nice to listen though.

Siti Balqis Maisarah, The blur princess
1 year 9 months old
Yes, total blur-ness kalah syaza.
She would go to you saying or asking something and when you reply she would simply say "ah?" over and over, then you'll give up.

Muhammad Raziq Adha, The womanizer
11 months old
Youngest of all, so his brat-ness hasn't fully emerge
He smiles all the times and looks gorgeous even only with three teeth.

We have another one coming early next year. Really hope it's a boy. Can't wait.

Hmmm. I just received a devastating news and I feel so stupid and ashamed right now that I want to kill myself.

Who am I?

2008-09-29T13:01:00.003+08:00

I feel bad. Yes. After dumping someone right in front of his face without telling any solid reason makes me feel a little bit evil even in Ramadhan. I always did that kind of things when I'm tired of it. Stupid. Anyhow, I need a break from any relationship with any chromosome XY right now.

Coincidence maybe. I love this website called Tickle.com. It features a lot tests and quizzes about personality and all which I love to take when I have extra time to kill. Just now I took a test called "Are you Naughty or Nice" . The result surprise me. Yes, it did. I turned out to be the Little Devil, which according to the result the most evil out of four categories. Lol. I've pasted the result below~

Born to be bad? Oh yeah! Naughty by nature, you've tried everything at least once and aren't afraid to get your hands — or the rest of you — dirty when the opportunity arises. Whether that means plotting for a promotion at work or toying with somebody's affections, you're willing to break the rules and pull out all the stops to get what you want. As long as you're having fun and getting ahead, just about anything goes. And while it is fun to defy convention now and then, you're definitely walking a tightrope. It probably wouldn't hurt to listen to that little angel on your shoulder sometimes — the one who says "no!" But in the meantime, keep being bad and enjoying yourself. Just don't throw caution entirely to the wind... 5% in the community

I've taken tons of tests before this. Relationship, entertainment, personality and even Phd certified test on career and life. Whatever. Here are some other results that I find interesting.

Which Hero Are You?
Nikki Sanders
-Hotness, I love~!

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?
Ginny Weasley
- I end up with Harry Potter~! Yatta~

The Ultimate Personality Test
Rock Star
-Rock on bebeh!

The Zodiac Match Test
Aries
-Huh. I hate aries guys

Which Grey's Anatomy Character Are You?
Dr. Miranda Bailey
-No way, I want Dr. Addison!

What Kind of girlfriend are you?
Laidback lover
-So true~

The Brain Test
Balanced Brain
-It says both sides of brain will compete to make a decision. Patutlah salu hang je pale otak nih. 5% in the community

Maybe you should try it too~~

When hormones come to play

2008-09-22T01:46:00.006+08:00

Let me go. Please. I'm sorry. Set me free. Oh. Kill me already.

So long iPhone, well hello w960. wink.wink.

2008-09-19T22:21:00.003+08:00

After much waiting I got really tired. Then when I saw the actual iPhone I got really disappointed. It was highly overrated. I did wanna wait for the 3G iPhone but can't wait no longer. One day, I stumble upon this phone. Sony Ericsson w960i. It made my life and I purchased it.

Camera 2 megapixel
Touch screen, smooth no stylus needed
Wifi
No radio, bluetooth
GPS and maps
8-16 gig internal memory. Not expandable
Video format - MPEG-4 in .mp4, .mov, .m4v
No actual keyboard only virtual

Camera 3.2 megapixel. Would be much better if 5
Touch screen with stylus provided and needed for those tiny unreachable icons
Wifi
No GPS
8 gig internal memory. Not expandable.
Video format - MP4 (.mp4) , real media (.ram, .rm), 3GPP (.3gp)
PDA phone - Quickoffice, Pdf+
Lag compare to N95

Some compare features. I still love iPhone and did tried to customize my phone as similar as iPhone but couldn't find the exact themes though, like from my previous phone. I have this ultimate iLock software that should only available in iPhone that is exceptionally similar from the original. I'll upload some pics later on

The ironies of end

2008-09-15T02:09:00.002+08:00

Most people live life by anticipating the end, don't we?

Kids can't wait to be an adult. Teenagers can't wait to finish school. PMR, SPM. Can't wait to graduate from college. Get a job, go to work. In between work and study, we'll date and get married. Then, tired of working get retired and spend the pension. Live with your grandchildren and you know what's next.

That's pretty much life isn't it? Well, unless you get married to a king from Kingdom Andalasia and didn't have to work for seven generations or maybe get a terminal disease and die early. Then, it'll be different.

The first irony I found out was it never really end. Each end was actually the ultimate beginning of something new.

The second one was we tend to look back and then only realize that it was important.

Say,
I'm facing a big examination like SPM, of course I can't wait for it to end. Maybe I tried my hardest maybe I didn't. After the exam, I thought it's finally over. Then, the result was out. Good or bad, with that very result is what going to determine my future. Then only I realize that it's not over, it is just about to begin and I'll look into the past and wish, just wish that I could do better.

That's the lamest example I can give. I do hope that I made my points. I think, most of the stuffs in life is pretty much like that and come to think of it death is the ultimate beginning of all. That's the only end that no one anticipates. :D

Familiarly foreign

2008-09-11T01:14:00.003+08:00

Recently, in conjunction with Merdeka Day my brother and I change our phone language setting from English into Malay. Well because we thought it was kinda patriotic and funny. It was funny. We were like what the hell is jeda means? But, we were patriotically surprised because it feels so foreign and not right like we just learned the language yesterday.

I just think it's kinda sad. That's all. :D

*jeda = pause

Basah,busuk,bising tapi best~!

2008-09-01T13:49:00.004+08:00

Exhibit A

2008-08-20T10:36:00.001+08:00

I love photoshop. Not that I'm really good, I'm still learning and in every new piece of mine I always include new techniques that I just learned mostly from the internet or accidentally. Above is my newest piece that was supposedly to be used in an exhibition last week. I just learned how to make the background it's called the retro rays which is fairly simple actually. I love the colour combination of red ,white and black with white as the background colour. You might notice that the fonts was getting smaller as it goes down which I tried my hardest to fit in all the texts. Owh. I also tried to do the pasting effect where it was supposed to look like you cut the something from somewhere else and pasted it in the picture like I did with the tap with running water and the lice but it didn't turn out so well.

Hell break loose when all about the exhibition went wrong and damage enhanced as I went to the penis fest that weekend. The after meeting felt like judgment day.

Questions asked, explanations demanded. But I couldn't save myself and luckily there was Aini and Kak Fatin. Immaturity is so me. So, I did like what ika suggested me to do. Turned on the music.

As I was listening to the loud music I stared blankly with aching heart. They were all looked like in some kind of music video with unsynchronized lip sync. The band members - the president, the director and the head comms. Took turns to sing their heart out but I don't have the heart to listen. Some with their hair bouncing up and down as they talk. Some scrutinized whatever it is in their handbag.

Whatever it is I despise leading/organizing I just wanted to be a designer. I always think preaching through arts is kinda cool.

Liar Liar

2008-08-11T19:19:00.002+08:00

I wonder why do people lie because I have been lying a lot lately to save my ass. It is said that in the western countries (i guess) if you cross your finger while lying it doesn't count. If life is that simple.

It concerns me because it has become some sort of habit in my daily life. I like to please people and I hate to be rejected or being said no to. It kills my confidence. So, when I was in primary and early secondary school, I like to go out with my friends and my mom seldom let me. I mean rarely. In order to appear innocent and still get what I want. I lied. I guess that's when it all started and today I'm an expert.

My brother is now in form four and he, like me is facing the same problem which is being restricted from going out and he will try his best begging my mom to let him. Sometimes he'll get the permission and most of the time he didn't get it. But.. never once he tried to lie. Last week there was this big gig called mocca (i think) and all his friends are going and he has been begging like crazy but still didn't get the chance. If I were him..

So what am I?

That question appears out of my own guilt. People trust me and I always get away with it. I'm being selfish just because I'm too afraid to tell or face the truth. I need to stop.

I did some research and surprisingly there are many types of lies and I've pasted some of it. However, lying in any intention is wrong no matter how you classify it. Truth need to be told. No one likes to be lied to.

Bald-faced lie
A bald-faced (or barefaced or boldfaced) lie is a lie that is told when it is obvious to all concerned that it is a lie. For example a child who has chocolate all over his face and denies that he has eaten the last piece of chocolate cake is a bald-faced liar.

Lying by omission
One lies by omission by omitting an important fact, deliberately leaving another person with a misconception. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. A husband may tell his wife he was out at a store, which is true, but lie by omitting the fact that he also visited his mistress.

Lie-to-children
A lie-to-children is a lie, often a platitude that may use euphemism(s), that is told to make an adult subject acceptable to children. A common example is "The stork brought you."

White lie
A white lie would cause no discord if it were uncovered and offers some benefit to the liar, the hearer, or both. White lies are often used to avoid offense, such as telling someone that you think that their new outfit looks good when you actually think that it is a horrible excuse for an outfit. In this case the lie is told to avoid the harmful implications and realistic implications of the truth. As a concept it is largely defined by local custom and cannot be clearly separated from regular lies with any authority. As such, the term may have differing meanings in different cultures. Lies that are harmless but told for no reason are generally called white lies.

Exaggeration
An exaggeration occurs when the most fundamental aspect(s) of a statement is true, but the degree to which it is true is not correct. An example of this kind of lie is when someone says they are so hungry they could eat a horse.

So, this is my first post didn't expect it to turn out this way. I've been meaning to do this for a long time.